|cannot find the source for this...sad.|
I flipped out today.
It wasn't pretty.
After a morning of pregnancy symptoms setting me back, feeling inadequate when it comes to ...well...most everything, missing my husband who is out of state for a bit, struggling to get some of the "business-y" loose ends tied up so I can open my shop (someday!), a sink full of dishes, and toys literally on every surface of my home (seriously, they are even in my bed...), I snapped.
All because I stubbed my toe on one of those blasted toys.
I started getting after the kids about how they need to pick up their toys--saying things like "I hate toys!". Which sounds pretty funny as I sit here typing it out.
After the ranting came the sobbing.
The ugly cry.
Nora started scooping random toys into a pile on the floor (blocks, necklaces, princesses)...because that's the same as picking up I guess. She was mothering Byron to help pick-up.
Byron started singing our picking up song while he sat in one place and did nothing at all.
"Clean-up, clean-up, everybody everywhere.
Clean-up, clean-up, everybody do their share."
Apparently he thinks that if he sings his support then no one will notice that he is, in fact, doing nothing.
I think I have said this a million times but I am tempted to throw all of those toys in a massive pile and light a match to them.
Not really. Really, but not really.
Why is liquidating the toy chest so hard? I love seeing my children play--and whenever I get to purging I pick up an alphabet puzzle with the intention to get rid of it and then my mind is flooded with memories of Byron learning the alphabet super early in life and how proud and surprised I was. And then it's a hard choice.
90% of the mess in my house is toys.
And guess who is too pregnant and round to bend over a million times in a row in order to fix this mess? Me.
Hence the melt down.
I put my make-up on while crying my eyes out (really effective), loaded up the kids, and headed to Granny's house where friendly faces and fried fish awaited me. It really was just what I needed.
Later, Nora out of the blue said, "Mommy, are you happy now?" and my heart nearly snapped in two.
I hold such a responsibility to these children and the God that entrusted me with them.
I should never treat them so poorly.
They are my ultimate happiness and are so special. I am blessed to have them.
Kindness has been on my mind lately. It's crucial.
Yesterday I felt like the only person who was kind to me was the guy behind the fryer at lunch who gave me an extra chicken strip with a wink (I wanted to point simultaneously at my belly, wedding ring, and sloppy hair and ask him if he saw it all).
I needed kindness yesterday after another rough morning.
I thought how important it is to be kind to everyone because we really have no idea what they are facing.
And then the very next day I snap and let that whole concept fly out the window so easily.
Moral of the story >> Be Kind.
Everyone deserves kindness.